change & balance: '22 edition

how I found myself again by

making small changes and seeking balance

*supplemented by relevant office gifs*

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Summer 2022 was a time of change... and change is hard.

After a tough start to the new year, I realized that I wasn't myself. I was feeling unsure, insecure, and all around, just lost. I knew I needed to make changes, both physically and mentally, but starting that process felt daunting to say the least. Yet, I knew that prioritizing my health would make me happiest long-term, so I needed to take the first step.

That first step is always mental. Deciding I wanted to change and really committing to that was the hardest part. Here's what helped me conquer the initial mental hurdle:

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I went all in.

"all-or-nothing thinking", a short-term solution to reaching a long-term goal

I know it's a cognitive distortion, which is why I used it as a tool, not a full-blown mindset. For me, adopting an "all-or-nothing" approach meant making a full commitment to myself, no excuses. No matter what, I was going to prioritize my goals, the ones I identified would make me feel like "me" again. It didn't mean being unforgiving towards myself or adhering to a strict set of rules. On the contrary, it became a sort of mantra, one that reminded me of the things I would no longer stand for in my life.

Essentially, I would go "all in" on the good stuff, the parts of my life that helped me to grow; and had "nothing" to do with the bad stuff, the things that were no longer serving me.

Being able to identify those things was quite simple, actually. Oftentimes, we know what is preventing us from reaching our goals, yet we fall into a cycle of feeling somewhat complacent in the unhappiness. I know this because I did that myself. I relished in the feeling of "feeling trapped," in the mind and body that I couldn't thrive in. It felt safe, in a sense. Change is uncomfortable, but it's the only way towards growth. That is ultimately what encouraged me to make the leap, and here's how:

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I said, NOPE.

what I had nothing to do with:

• instagram, tik tok

• negative self talk

• excessive screen time

• comparing myself to others

• anything that made me feel disingenuous

• mindless eating and scrolling (often simultaneously)

• not making the joys in life a priority (i.e. time with family/friends)

Of course, I was not 100% successful in eliminating these toxins 100% of the time. However, by having a clear outline, I was able to avoid them as best I could. I stayed off of social media entirely for over 5 months, which was a major win for me. As a result of that, the comparison game in my head stopped completely, my screen time decreased significantly, I had less negative self talk, and gradually, I felt more and more like myself. I'm human. I had slip-ups; but by making the deliberate choice to say "no", I was able to expedite my growth.

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I said, I'm in.

what I decided to be all-in on:

• faith

• hot yoga

• daily walks

• meal prepping

• staying organized

• journaling / planning

• purposeful, focused workouts

• writing down my accomplishments daily

• taking time to make my home feel homey

• living in the present moment, only in my own world

I know that last point sounds selfish... and maybe it is, a little bit. I realized though, by being off of social media especially, just how interconnected we are. Sometimes, too connected. We have gotten used to knowing absolutely everything about everyone else's life, and oftentimes I think it takes away from the human experience. In person conversations are less genuine. We ask questions we already know the answer to because we saw it on their story. Being off the grid helped me to connect with people in a more real way; I was truly interested in their life because I didn't know anything about it! Coffee chats became more meaningful. Texts just to check in became more frequent. Life started to feel real again and it was kind of groundbreaking.

By way of having more free time without the scrolling, I started to see all of those other positive things I listed come to light. Mentally, I had never felt "lighter", and physically, that manifested itself. For the first time in my life, I understood what the mind and body connection "hype" was really all about. They really do work as one. I'd like to thank my yoga instructor for that tidbit.

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What's the point of this blog, again?

It's important to be proud of your journey, but listing out what I've done this summer to help myself isn't meant to be an eye-roll-inducing humble brag or one-size-fits-all guide. Rather, it's a (long) intro to explain my next steps, to give you context. I founded this website/blog during a time I needed it most. It was an outlet for me, away from the confines of instagram - a place to overshare, in a free way, while giving you the full picture of who I am. Like Planet Fitness, a no-judgement-zone.

So...

"IG Jazzy Jac" will be back.

Not in the same way as before, though. I'll be in and out, sharing cookie art that makes people smile, but never again doing so in a way that compromises my own autonomy and happiness.

However, going back to Instagram comes with some guilt, I will admit.

I feel that by being back on, I've failed, in a sense. I'm not being true to myself, ignoring everything I've learned about why I went off in the first place. When I fall into this way of thinking though, I remind myself of how far I've come and how I have control now. This app, with all of its toxicity, no longer has a hold on me. Rather, I can use it, in a way that benefits my professional careers, brings joy to others, and aligns with my personal goals. I've learned that as long as I am in the driver's seat, of both my in-person and virtual life, there's nothing to fear or be intimidated by anymore.

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In all, maintaining that balance I found, or at least striving for it, is more important than ever as I carefully return to social media. The temptation to compare will always be there, but by being happy with myself, who I am and what I have to bring, I am well-equipped to take from it what serves me, and abandon what no longer does.

Balance and moderation work hand-in-hand and that continues to be my goal as I navigate this new change, yet again. But this time, I welcome change.

I'm no longer "all in" or "all out"... I don't need to be. I'm just all me.